Dave Savage's Oasis Hug Ceremony Practice
Sacred Space - Nurturing Touch - Affirming Words.
One of the things I’m famous for is giving one of the most gratifying hugs.
It’s an oasis of nurturing, affirming, acknowledging and tranquility in 45 seconds.
You are creating a few moments of fully intentional and purposeful connection. A gift of time, touch and meaningful words of love, admiration and appreciation. For a new relationship, the words can be about your enjoyment of meeting him/her and your commitment to continue the relationship.
It’s something I teach and share regularly and it adds enormously to my well-being.
I’ve heard from many people that it has changed the dynamics of extended families who had not been huggers.
When sharing this process with someone, describe, what you are going to do together before you begin.
Part of the relaxing experience comes from the power of deep and slow breathing. It’s the kind that is encouraged for meditation. In the therapy world, it is often called breath work.
There are 3 parts: Sacred Space, Nurturing Touch and Affirming Words.
When standing two to three feet apart, take a very slow and deep centering breath – inhaling and exhaling. Be fully present with the person - separating this time for doing something special. Sacred Space
Enter the full body contact hug very slowly, with tenderness(no A-frame hugs).
Hold the person as you would a great friend who you had not seen in a long time – firmly, but not squeezing. Close your eyes and be in the moment.
Breathe very deeply and very slowly in unison - 3 times, maybe 4 (lovers do it as long as you like)
(Do Not pat each other on the back while doing this – It changes the experience)
End the hug with a slight firm squeeze. Release the hug very SLOWLY, signaling that you hate to have to them leave you. As you release the hug take and hold the person's hands and share with them something(s) you appreciate about them, your level of love and caring for them and any thank you thoughts you can express and for the difference they make to you or others.
If it’s the first time you've met them - express your joy in being with them and your looking forward to your next time together. Make a tentative date to be together – You can always reschedule for a time and place that works for both of you. It shows a greater commitment to your future friendship.
A way to enhance the experience for those you are very close to: You can add a very slow and gently firm caressing back massage and/or a very slow swaying motion (an almost dance) to enhance the experience with close friends)
You can also add a slow and deep hum/purr/happy meditation Mmmmm as you do when tasting something delicious. (do it together)
I enjoy doing this with men and women. The dynamics are different, but equally satisfying.
If there is a big height difference, have the shorter one stand on something to get the right fit .
I also teach that this experience is very dynamic when you deliberately hug someone who is the same sex and size of a person who you miss very much; perhaps a departed relative or friend who you hugged in the past. Close you eyes during the hug and be emotionally transported into their arms in the time of a single slow breath. It‘s an amazing emotional transition. People who never got enough affection from someone can do this to recreate the missing experience.
When meeting someone in a social situation, the typical thing Americans do is hold out their hand for a greeting shake. I find the people who love to hug by first holding my hand out to shake and then opening my arms to hug. And at the same time ask , “Are you a shaker or hugger?”
Most all of the people who love to hug will light up their expression with a big smile and open their arms for a new friends hug. How long do you wait to establish a hugging relationship with someone?
I also teach men that when in a hug, of any kind, with your child or partner, never end the hug before the other person has had enough and signals by releasing first. It’s a signal that you are there for them for as long as they want you.
Give it a try and let me know what your experience is. I’d love to hear your testimonial.
Dave Savage 404 323-8686 firstname.lastname@example.org DaveSavage.com
I love to share this with individuals, groups and audiences
Co-author of Heartfelt Memorial Services: Your Guide for Planning Meaningful Funerals, Celebrations of Life and Times of Remembrance.