Have the Conversation of a Lifetime
I am struck by how many individuals have never discussed their own deaths and end of life wishes. As a society, we ignore the reality of death until a medical crisis occurs and we see those we love experience pain, fear and confusion. Studies have shown that a majority of us do not want aggressive end of life hospital based treatments. Most of us prefer to die at home as comfortable as possible surrounded by family and friends. Why then are 60% of Americans dying in hospitals?
It has been proven that aggressive end of life care can worsen quality of life and can negatively affect your family’s bereavement.
Having periodic conversations about what each member of the family would want for themselves and for each other is important.
Many millions of people die every year before they are old. And many more million are in sudden critical health and injury conditions at every age.
Keep in mind that at some time in your life you may be unable to communicate your healthcare choices because of an accident, serious illness or mental conditions.
This is why you need to have conversation with those you love and those who care about you and who will be making decisions and influencing what happens to you in your dying journey and death.
And that includes conversation about the remembrance gatherings that will be emotionally important to those who appreciate, love and care about you.
How can you prepare?
Acknowledge that this is an on-going conversation.
Know that your loved ones may be uncomfortable and will try to avoid the issue.
You can proactively let family know that you are interested in the conversations.
Some might assume that you are not willing or interested.
Think about your own wishes, beliefs, values and preferences for end of life care.
Think about what lessons you have learned from the experiences you have had or from the stories of others.
Write them down and add to them as your thoughts continue.
- Include your loved ones in the planning and conversation as soon as you are ready to express them.
- Share your own experiences in dealing with the final illness and death of a parent or other loved one.
- Understand that it is never too soon to talk about end of life wishes.
- When appointing a Medical Power of Attorney to communicate your end of life wishes if you are unable, be sure that the person you appoint can honor your wishes and can make difficult decisions on your behalf.
- Help to provide education websites to those who will gather to have them "be on the same page" to avoid conflicting beliefs.
Anyone with access to the internet can search out various tools to assist them in planning their end of life wishes.
One such site is BeingMortal.weebly.com It is a large collection of articles and videos to share.
It is based on the work of Dr. Atul Gawande, who is the author of Being Mortal:Medicine and What Matters in the End.
His work was the focus of a Public TV, Frontline documentary. The link to the documentary is on the site.
A few hours spent in honest conversation will save your loved ones untold anxiety and grief in the future.
Forwarded by Dave Savage - Educator and Author - Heartfelt MemorialServices
Your Guide for Planning Meaningful Funerals, Celebrations of Life and Times of Remembrance
The 2024 edition is available as a free Word doc from Dave, via email - Free [email protected]